Understanding why you’ve failed before is the key to learning how you can succeed in the future. All life changes are done in stages and we can help you to navigate the challenges and prepare yourself for success for the first time.
Many of us attempt a major change in our lifestyle and fail. It should be easy, right? Getting fit, quiting smoking, eat healthily or making career change all seem to be achieveable, so why do many of us fail to make the change the first, second and subsequent times?
Change is a process, not just action. The first stage of change is before you actually realise you need to do something about your life! It’s even before you become aware of how your lifestyle is negitively affecting you, your health and even your loved one’s lives. It really comes home to roost when you finally admit how your life is making you, your family or your friends miserable or frustrated.
However, the biggest mistake at this stage is to try and change for another person’s agenda.
“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all” - Anna Quindlen
When you define the change in terms of what you need to do, then you are more likely to succeed. You’ll know the signs by the lack of the four R’s - Reluctance, Rebellion, Resignation and Rationalisation. It’s at this point that you move into the second stage of the change process - Contemplation!
Unfortunately, you may get stuck in the contemplation stage for a while as you’ll be seeking absolute assurance that changing will work and will be right for you. This is especially true when the change involves a level of risk such as seeking a relationship or going from employee to business owner. The best way through this stage for anyone is to do a Pros and Cons list. In essence, you determine what are the consequences to you and others if you make the change and what are the the consequences for you and others if you don’t. By doing this you will gain clarity and be able to determine if you really want to change. If you are ready, then the next stage is critical and the area that most people fall down in.
Preparation involves more than just thinking about what to do, it involves effective planning and support.
You wouldn’t build a house without a plan so you can’t expect to change your life without putting all the important building blocks in place. This includes:
- Researching what you need to do
- Creating an environment that supports and encourages you to succeed
- Setting a date for the change
- Planing the steps to make the change
- Getting the right support
- Being accountable to yourself and to another
Warning - the right support may not be your friend, partner or family member. They may want you to suceed to begin with but may also get scared by the change in you the further you go along. That’s why it’s important to get an independent support network going with people who are not affected by your change.
Planning involves identifying the steps and also creating a vision of what your new life will look and feel like. Studies have shown that great achievers in every field often create visions of what they want - visually! The mind works best with visual prompting. Brainstorm all the different options and actions available to you to get where you want to be. Don’t screen them to start with - leave even the seemingly impossible ones. At the end you can review and select the approach that you are able to commit to.
Research from the American Society for Training & Development shows that people who embarked on a significant life change have the following chance of success:
10% with no preparation
40% if you set an end date for your change
50% if you have a plan
65% if you told someone about your change
95% if you had the right support who held you accountable
As you go along, focus on your next steps and don’t get too far ahead or over analyse otherwise you will get off track. Your support person can help you here. They should be the one you regularly report your progress to and also keeps you accountable. If you do find yourself not following through on the change, then your support person is be able to help you identify what’s getting in your way.
That’s why getting assistance from a Life Coach can be helpful as they understand the process of change and can help you navigate it so you succeed. If you’re on your own, then just remember - there is no such thing as failure - only learning. And success is not the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success - your frame of mind is key to helping you to achieve your desired life. When you are well prepared, action becomes easy and the change becomes lasting.
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