Understanding why you’ve failed before is the key to learning how you can succeed in the future.  All life changes are done in stages and we can help you to navigate the challenges and prepare yourself for success for the first time.

Many of us attempt a major change in our lifestyle and fail.  It should be easy, right?  Getting fit, quiting smoking, eat healthily or making career change all seem to be achieveable, so why do many of us fail to make the change the first, second and subsequent times?

Change is a process, not just action.  The first stage of change is before you actually realise you need to do something about your life!  It’s even before you become aware of how your lifestyle is negitively affecting you, your health and even your loved one’s lives.  It really comes home to roost when you finally admit how your life is making you, your family or your friends miserable or frustrated.

However, the biggest mistake at this stage is to try and change for another person’s agenda.

“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all” - Anna Quindlen

When you define the change in terms of what you need to do, then you are more likely to succeed.  You’ll know the signs by the lack of the four R’s - Reluctance, Rebellion, Resignation and Rationalisation.  It’s at this point that you move into the second stage of the change process - Contemplation!

Unfortunately, you may get stuck in the contemplation stage for a while as you’ll be seeking absolute assurance that changing will work and will be right for you.  This is especially true when the change involves a level of risk such as seeking a relationship or going from employee to business owner.  The best way through this stage for anyone is to do a Pros and Cons list.  In essence, you determine what are the consequences to you and others if you make the change and what are the the consequences  for you and others if you don’t.  By doing this you will gain clarity and be able to determine if you really want to change.  If you are ready, then the next stage is critical and the area that most people fall down in.  

Preparation involves more than just thinking about what to do, it involves effective planning and support.

You wouldn’t build a house without a plan so you can’t expect to change your life without putting all the important building blocks in place.  This includes:

• Researching what you need to do
• Creating an environment that supports and encourages you to succeed
• Setting a date for the change
• Planing the steps to make the change
• Getting the right support
• Being accountable to yourself and to another

Warning - the right support may not be your friend, partner or family member.  They may want you to suceed to begin with but may also get scared by the change in you the further you go along.  That’s why it’s important to get an independent support network going with people who are not affected by your change.

Planning involves identifying the steps and also creating a vision of what your new life will look and feel like.  Studies have shown that great achievers in every field often create visions of what they want - visually!  The mind works best with visual prompting.  Brainstorm all the different options and actions available to you to get where you want to be.  Don’t screen them to start with - leave even the seemingly impossible ones.  At the end you can review and select the approach that you are able to commit to.

Research from the American Society for Training & Development shows that people who embarked on a significant life change have the following chance of success:

               10% with no preparation

              40% if you set an end date for your change

              50% if you have a plan

              65% if you told someone about your change

              95% if you had the right support who held you accountable

As you go along, focus on your next steps and don’t get too far ahead or over analyse otherwise you will get off track.  Your support person can help you here.  They should be the one you regularly report your progress to and also keeps you accountable.  If you do find yourself not following through on the change, then your support person is be able to help you identify what’s getting in your way.

That’s why getting assistance from a Life Coach can be helpful as they understand the process of change and can help you navigate it so you succeed.  If you’re on your own, then just remember - there is no such thing as failure - only learning.  And success is not the key to happiness,  happiness is the key to success - your frame of mind is key to helping you to achieve your desired life.  When you are well prepared, action becomes easy and the change becomes lasting.

When it all goes to hell in a morning!

If you're a mum or a dad then you'll know what it feels like to have one of those days where everyone seems to be fighting you.  The kids yell at you because you're trying to get them out the door and their priorities are on something else, like the Wii or playing with their toys or getting dressed up.  You're husband/wife is annoyed with you because you haven't given him/her your attention or listened to them and yet they have overlooked everything you did for them - how ungrateful!  You feel pulled from pillar to post and finally you snap and yell at everyone, they look at you like deer in head lights, and you stomp off feeling angry and crappy because you didn't remain cool and calm under fire like the perfect parent would!

Everyone has bad days and bad moments with your loved ones.  The issue is whether you are going to continue to wallow in your guilt and anger or work through that and devise a strategy for when you face them again.  The first thing is to face your emotions about the event.  When this happens to me (and it does, because I admit, I am human), I like to use the sweet small space between the angry at them and the self flagellating thoughts of myself to catch myself and STOP!  Take a breath in, breath into my heart space and pick the one thought that bothers me most and do "the work" on that.  By "the work" I mean the 4 questions that Byron Katie used on herself continually to question her thoughts and has shared with the world (thankyou Bryon).  These questions are self enquiry, done with an open heart and with lots of compassion for yourself and the other.  Here are the questions:

1. Is it true? (Be still. Wait for the heart’s response. A simple Yes or No)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Can you really know that what you believe is true?)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? (What do you experience? Anger, stress, frustration?  How does this reaction feel in your body? Does that thought bring stress or peace into your life? Be still as you listen).
4. Who would you be without the thought? (Close your eyes. Picture yourself in the situation that caused you stress and now see it change as you release that belief - how does that feel? So much better right?)

Byron also suggests that we do at least 3 "turn arounds" on the thought - so if I thought "He should be grateful for all that I do for him", I could turn this thought around as such:

I should be grateful for all that I do for him
He should not be grateful for all that I do for him
I am not grateful for all that he does for me

Each one of those statements is just as true as my original thought - just think them through and you'll see the truth in that.  What this process does is move us out of problem/blame/anger mode and from us focusing on the problem to examining our thoughts and uncovering new perspectives and realities which do bring us peace.  Do this for every stressful thought that came out of the blow up and you suddenly have a new perspective.

OK. So now what?  You still have to face them when you return to the house.  How will you handle that?  Most people still go into this situation carrying those negative thoughts and beliefs, but you've just let them go.  You also have a new appreciation for how they may feel.

Get real and say your sorry.  Acknowledge what was going on for them and also for you.  Own your own emotions and warped thinking at that time and tell them what you think was happening for you and what you saw.  Talk about what your needs are - what would you like to happen if this situation or something similar rises again?  Ask them for help and ideas.  You'll be surprised at how inventive even the little ones can get.

And the best part about taking this approach is that you are modeling good behaviour to little ones - they learn from you.  Do you really want them to grow up and not be able to face their feelings, apologise for their behaviour and instead blow up at their loved ones?  Of course you don't.

For more details about "The Work" please see Byron Katie's website - www.thework.com

A New Decade - Isn't it time you got Unstuck?

At this time of year many people decide that this year will be different. This is the year they will make a change, get off the “treadmill” for once and for all. Then they make a goal, set a start date and throw themselves into it, or perhaps find reasons why they can't start this week. For those who throw themselves in at the deep end, only a few will make it to the other end. For those who don't, then the “treadmill” appears again, as they revert to previous sabotaging behaviours and patterns, ‘beat themselves up,’ let down their family, friends and themselves and get nowhere.  Why does this happen?

Do you know anyone who tried losing weight, only to put it back on? Or, do you know someone who stopped smoking, only to start again a few months later? Perhaps you know someone who said, they were going to change their job because they hated the one they had and they still haven’t done anything about it? Are you the one who is stuck?

‘Stuck’ can be different for each one of us...

Vanessa and Sharon know all about being stuck, having been there themselves, and by helping many people overcome their ‘stuckness’.  Change is a process and understanding the steps needed to change and, removing mental barriers is something that we understand and do well. Whether that change is improving your health, relationships, releasing physical and emotional pain, overcoming an addiction, restoring your hope and possibilities for your life or providing meaning to your life, Vanessa and Sharon can work with you to achieve your goals.

This is what two grateful clients had to say:

“I was fortunate enough to have Vanessa work with my immediate family, including my partner and our teenage daughter, using a range of coaching and healing techniques including Body Talk. The whole family benefited from her loving support, guidance and generosity of spirit and time. Her influence and impact on our family has helped bring us much closer and helped to heal some of the emotional issues within our family.”  (Joanna - Canberra)

“I recently had the most beneficial experience of a lifetime!  My session with Life Coach Sharon Chisholm has turned my life around in the most positive of ways.  After much thought about the direction my life was heading and the direction that I wanted to go I realised I needed some guidance as to where to start and how to set and achieve my life goals.  Sharon's advice and tips have certainly helped me in determining my life path.   Sharon is a true professional but her relaxed, friendly manner helped me immensely in being able to set and reach my goals.  Sharon leads by example.  She is a very determined, enthusiastic, friendly, funny and very confident person who is always keen to help others.  I would highly recommend her as a Life Coach.”  (Robyn, Mid North Coast)

Vanessa and Sharon use a variety of cutting edge techniques (for both mind and body), including wellbeing coaching, hypnotherapy, energy psychology, meta medicine and BodyTalk therapies.

It takes focus, courage and commitment to change, to build a healthy and rewarding life and, to follow your dreams.  Give us a call today to help you achieve your new year’s resolution or, to overcome your limiting beliefs and achieve a meaningful life.